My Name is Laurie, and I’m a TV-aholic

I’m addicted to so many TV shows, that I may start an organization for men and women to obtain the help and support they need to overcome the compulsion of filling up their DVR’s with program after program after program.  Truth be told, I don’t watch much “live” TV anymore.

In fact, every time I’m forced to watch a commercial, my response is “well, that’s 30 seconds of my life I’ll never get back.”

I won’t even watch my beloved Packers live.  I simply DVR the game and about 60 minutes into it, it’s game time.  Hey, a girl can only watch so many Ford Truck or Coors commercials before banging her head against the fucking wall.  Furthermore, it means less time I have to sit and listen to those fucks Troy Aikman and Joe Buck.  Can they be anymore anti-Packer?  Anyway, I digress.

PoltergeistGirl

Below are a list of shows I CANNOT live without.

  1. Breaking Bad– Um Mr. White?  Thanks for not killing Jesse.
  2. The Walking Dead– Andrew Lincoln is hot.  Bam.
  3. Revenge– I can sit and watch 5 episodes of this show in a row without blinking.  Emily, you go girl!
  4. Lost- if I’m gonna crash land on an island, I hope it’s this one.  Smoke monsters and underground dwellings, and Jack.
  5. The Newsroom– this is an HBO series that stars Jeff Daniels, among many other superb actors. Let me just say that when each episode ends, it feels as if my life has no purpose.  Until the next episode.
  6. Homeland– Showtime series.  Probably the CIA doesn’t care for this show because, while I love it, it’s probably not the best representation of our intelligence agency.  Oh sure, they get the bad guys, but it’s mostly just stupid fucking luck.
  7. Scandal– I loved the 1st season, but it took Netflix fucking FOREVER to get the 2nd season (which I haven’t yet watched.)  No need to tell you, however, that I’m DVR’ing the 3rd season so I’m ready.  I AM ORGANIZED!
  8. Chopped– Where else but on the Food Network Channel can you watch 4 ego maniacal contestants create 3 dishes using bizarre ingredients for 3 obnoxious judges that most people wouldn’t consume during a zombie apocalypse?  Am I right Rick Grimes?
  9. Snapped– The Oxygen Network (owned by Oprah) airs this show, in a marathon, every Sunday. I’m guessing the network execs were thinking, “what better day is there to run a marathon of a show about women who plan and succeed in killing their husbands, boyfriends, or significant others while these husbands, boyfriends, or significant others are glued to football all day?”  It’s all about hitting that demographic, people.
  10. Game of Thrones- Valor Morghulis, baaaaaaby!

Fuck it, I don’t want there to be a cure for TV-aholics.  I’m going to grab some buttery popcorn, a big warm blanket, and my remote control.  If anyone tries to “Intervention” me, I won’t hesitate in using the skills I learned watching the Investigation Discovery channel.


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