I Now Pronounce You… Screwed

Ah, weddings.  That magical occasion where 2 people pronounce their love of each other in front of family and friends (and typically empty out their bank accounts in the process.)  Weddings are EXPENSIVE!!  I’ve attended 2 matrimonial celebrations so far this summer with another one slated for September.  Each of these celebrations, however, will be as diverse as the people getting hitched.

The first grand party I attended occurred in early July.  This was no cheap wedding.  It was held in a grand ballroom with a sit-down dinner of immaculately grilled filet mignon, roasted duckling, Haricot Verts (that’s skinny little French green beans to those of you that don’t watch the Food Network) and Oven Roasted Red Potatoes.  After that spread was devoured, we were seduced with an entire table of differently flavored Cake Pops.  OMFG!

Oh, and did I mention there was an open bar?  Hello Crown Royal!  I could have easily gone overboard and drank my way to oblivion, but had to work the next day, so I couldn’t didn’t.  Nevertheless, I heard through the grapevine that the sit-down dinner alone cost $5000, and that didn’t include the mandatory $2000 gratuity.  Holy … shitballs.

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The celebration I’ll be attending this weekend will be of the more informal variety.  The groom is a very close family member (read: brother) and this will be his second attempt at matrimonial bliss.  Same holds true for the lovely bride-to-be.  They both decided that because they’ve already experienced the “traditional” wedding on their first go-around, that this bash was going to be simple, casual, and uncomplicated.  And when I say that, I mean they are having it at their home.

While this is going to save them an enormous amount of cash, I do know that the planning involved was overwhelming, due to an anticipated head count of around 40 humanoids (who are traveling for this splendid occasion.) What that means, of course, is that they had to “unearth” enough places for these people to pass out sleep after the festivities have concluded.  You might be thinking, “WOW! I bet they have a super big house to accommodate that many souls.”  Um, no.  It’s only a 3 bedroom, albeit lovely, home.  We attempted to come up with solutions on several occasions, but only became more confused and frustrated.

Bro:  Maybe we should have thought this through.
Me:  Nah, it’ll be okay.  How many tents do you have?
Bro:  We can’t put people in tents.
Me:  Do you know people with vans or trucks?  I hear you can fit at least 3 people in the backs of those.
Bro:  Why am I even talking to you?
Me:  Oh, oh I know!  COTS!  Line ‘em up in the yard!  OMG (laughing hysterically) think of how cool those pictures would be.
Bro:  You’re fucking nuts (walks away)
Me:  Lawn chairs?

At any rate, I will admit this is one wedding I’m actually looking forward to attending.  I love simple and laid back, and I know this party will deliver.  Good food, lots of alcohol, and great company. What more could you ask for in a celebration that brings 2 lovely people together in a permanent, legal bond?

Update:  It’s 3 days post-wedding and I just wanted to share that it was everything I expected and more.  Wanna know how I can tell?  I’m still oozing whisky out of my pores.


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