There Was No Sand In My Eyes

Ordinarily, I sleep pretty damn good.  Better than the proverbial baby.  Or perhaps more accurately, like a corpse.  I’m not entirely sure if it’s the weather or maybe because my job is sucking the life out of me, but all I’ve been wanting to do lately is sleep. I’ve decided it’s probably a combination of the two.  Doesn’t fucking matter.  I’m just glad that for the past several months, Mr. Sandman has had no need to visit my bedroom.  Until last night, or more precisely at 3:00 AM.  Everyone knows the feeling of lying in bed, tossing and turning like … Click here to be completely blown away…

I’d Rather Fucking Forage

I’m like most women when it comes to hating certain household chores, though the responsibility I detest the most is (wait for it…) GROCERY SHOPPING.  This hatred of all things shopping is nothing new.  I recall a conversation initiated by my SO a few years ago after returning home from running errands.  It went something like this: SO: Were you grocery shopping? ME: *gives death stare* SO: *coughs nervously* ME: WHAAAAAAAAAAT? SO: You’re face is red and I see smoke coming out of your ears. ME: Who the hell do you think you are?  Sherlock-fucking-Holmes or something? SO: *moment of … Click here to be completely blown away…

Write or Wrong

You may be thinking, “she needs spell-check.”  Write?  Well, no.  I did that on purpose.  For starters, I’m just now coming off working 20 days in a row.  Yes, I was on the clock for 20 straight days!! I bet this shit doesn’t happen at Google.  Or in Europe.  Or in hell. Which is to say I didn’t have much time for creative thinking. There were moments, however, during these past 20 days where I was lying in bed, or driving in my car, or sitting on the toilet, where I would “will” my brain to think of what my … Click here to be completely blown away…

My Name is Laurie, and I’m a TV-aholic

I’m addicted to so many TV shows, that I may start an organization for men and women to obtain the help and support they need to overcome the compulsion of filling up their DVR’s with program after program after program.  Truth be told, I don’t watch much “live” TV anymore. In fact, every time I’m forced to watch a commercial, my response is “well, that’s 30 seconds of my life I’ll never get back.” I won’t even watch my beloved Packers live.  I simply DVR the game and about 60 minutes into it, it’s game time.  Hey, a girl can only … Click here to be completely blown away…

My Cat’s a Genius… Er, Smart-ass

I woke up this morning and found a letter from my cat.  It was left by the coffeemaker, which I have to admit, was pretty fuckin’ smart.  My brain cells do not function until I’ve had coffee, so you can see why I’m thinking my cat is a genius.  At any rate, I can only surmise the letter is a result of me slamming my bedroom door on him at 3:00 this morning. Dear Human Mommy, I realize we’ve been together for 12 years and we seem to have a pretty righteous routine down for cohabiting together, but I thought … Click here to be completely blown away…

It’s Like An Orgasm In Your Mouth

No, not that kind of orgasm, however I will tell you that when you take a bite of this dessert, noises will escape your mouth that may bear a strong resemblance to the moans, whimpers, and “Oh My Gods” one might associate with a full-on orgasm.  Okay, perhaps I am exaggerating a bit, but this dessert is blissfully delicious and will leave your sweet tooth MORE than satisfied. This dessert has been around for awhile, although I inherited it from my mother ages ago, before the internet took over our lives.  It’s simple to prepare and always a hit at … Click here to be completely blown away…

I Now Pronounce You… Screwed

Ah, weddings.  That magical occasion where 2 people pronounce their love of each other in front of family and friends (and typically empty out their bank accounts in the process.)  Weddings are EXPENSIVE!!  I’ve attended 2 matrimonial celebrations so far this summer with another one slated for September.  Each of these celebrations, however, will be as diverse as the people getting hitched. The first grand party I attended occurred in early July.  This was no cheap wedding.  It was held in a grand ballroom with a sit-down dinner of immaculately grilled filet mignon, roasted duckling, Haricot Verts (that’s skinny little … Click here to be completely blown away…

What About Casual Mondays?

I’m going to piss n’ moan. I sometimes hate my fucking job. I know this is all too common. As I mentioned before, I’ve been a nurse for several years.  I’ve had the privilege of working in a variety of settings, from surgery to the ER.  I’ve learned a lot and met some fabulous human beings (co-workers and patients alike) however NOW, I’m working for a large corporation as a “Nurse Trainer.”  I won’t bore you with the details, but let’s just say I sit at a fucking desk all day with the goal of getting others to understand simple … Click here to be completely blown away…

Hair We Go, Again

I was born with an afro.                   That’s right, a blonde fucking afro.  I have very course, frizzy, naturally curly hair.  It’s the one thing I inherited from my mother (may she RIP) that I detest.  If I could shave this shit off and still pass as a woman instead of an NBA basketball player, I would.  Wait, they’re all black, but I digress. I waste more money and time on this mop that any woman should have to.  My bathroom vanity is filled with anti-frizz creams, moisturizing oils, smoothing creams, anti-curl … Click here to be completely blown away…